I hate my new glasses. I need new glasses because I am old. I had to increase my font size to 14 while typing this to be comfortable. Bette Davis said, “Old age ain't no place for sissies.” So what is your option if you are a sissy? Choose not to grow old? I could bottle that! I know she meant you had better be brave or give up . . . and without specifically mentioning that option, I’m sure you know what giving up means.
So the glasses: the right eye vision just isn’t right. The close print on the page looks too bright and yet slightly gray, as in blurred, fuzzy. These kind of optic problems are the reason I gave up trying to wear contacts. Now I have the same issues with glasses! Perhaps the issue is in the eyes themselves.
I wonder how, in God’s grand scheme of genetic engineering, that it was decided to insert this error in my one fork of the human family tree. I mean, WHY?! This wouldn’t thin the herd; just make part of the herd annoyed and grumpy. . . perhaps being distracted and falling in a hole?
I now find myself wearing the glasses to cook. So I can read the recipes that have shrunk in font size. Plus I have to read them now as I can’t remember them verbatim any longer. Have you ever had spaghetti noodles stuck to your glasses? It is dang hard to get off; none of those little glasses lens sheets will do. Nope, soap and water and a little soaking. How annoying.
Stairs are another problem. That next step looks closer than I remember it being. My foot reaches down and then keeps going beyond where I think it needs to be. Not a good thing when you are looking at knee replacement surgery; I don’t want to bring that about sooner than necessary.
Stewart says he likes me in my glasses. Says it makes me look smart. Does that mean I’m not smart and therefore have to have accessories? I say glasses get in the way. When he kisses me, I have to take them off or I’ve got a smudge or I’ve bent them. Taking them off kinda ruins the moment.
Everything about getting older ruins the moment! “Wait a minute honey, I just need to freshen up” in reality means: makeup remover, special Mary Kay® facial soap, toothbrush, floss, acne medicine (a real injustice when approaching 50), arthritis and joint pills, nail fungus paint, under eye magic cream (yeh, right!)…what am I hurrying for? Oh, yeah, Stewart? Are you awake?